I've been exploring my feelings about possibly being M to F for almost 2 years. Most of my life, I wish I could do it and thought I wouldn't be allowed to do it due to my own restrictions I thought I'd better follow. I'm working towards building my confidence, educating myself, and sculpting my mind and body as I have always wished to be since I was a kid. I'm 38, but I've only been exploring myself since 37. I've been secretly feminine in my mind, while practicing masculine expectation. Even though I've built a huge tolerance to pain I got to a blowing point in my life. I've been up and down out of fear thoughout the past 2 years despite socially coming out and being rejected. It caused me to repress in my male state, but I never stop yearning in my mind for it.